#66703: Understanding and Treating Spiritual Abuse

As with many issues in psychology and religion, definitions are often personal and diverse. For the purposes of setting definitions in this course, it is imperative to explore the definition of a cult because much of the talk surrounding spiritual abuse is connected to cultic brainwashing and working to reintegrate people who escape from cults. The entomologic root of the word "cult" is the Latin cultus, simply meaning to tend or to worship; the same root also spawned the English word "cultivate," a verb that typically has positive connotations. In the modern era, the term "cult" has come to have a negative connotation. A succinct definition from the Oxford English Dictionary on modern usage is, "a new religious movement or other group whose beliefs or practices are considered abnormal or bizarre" [9]. This general definition, although accurate overall, is still open to interpretation and can even be used by spiritual abusers to denigrate other groups who are seen as a threat to their denominational superiority (e.g., in the Evangelical Church, Catholicism, Hinduism, Judaism, and Buddhism may all be considered negatively connoted cults). Thus, it is imperative to examine commonly agreed upon traits or characteristics of a cult.

An authority on cultic definition is Michael Langone, founder of the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA). The ICSA does not publish a list of groups that they label to be cultic. Rather, they encourage those evaluating cultic behavior to make judgments for themselves, using certain criteria as a guideline to determine if a group is destructive or harmful to the people involved. Based on the work of Langone, Lalich and Tobias established the following list as an evaluative guideline [10]:

In the spirit of ICSA's "evaluate for yourself" mentality, there is no certain number of criteria that should be fulfilled in order for the definition to be met. Rather, this list is offered as an evaluative guideline that can be especially useful for clinicians. The "evaluate for yourself" approach is a trait of healthy spirituality, a concept that will be discussed in greater depth in the section on treatment.

A critical aspect of working with spiritual abuse is to understand that it does not only occur in what society considers to be cults. It is easy to accept that a person emerging from a dangerous cult would be a clear victim of spiritual abuse, but what of the more subtle, yet equally dangerous manifestations? Hobson, although writing primarily from the pastoral perspective, offers a comprehensive definition of spiritual abuse [11]. Admitting that spiritual abuse is impossible to define in a sentence or two, he makes as concise of an attempt as possible [11]:

As explained, it is paramount to realize that spiritual abuse is a global phenomenon that transcends religious denomination or religious practice. Throughout history, if one person has been in the position to wield power over another person and chooses to use God, enlightenment, salvation, the threat of damnation, the promise of enlightenment, or other spiritual promise/threat to exert that power, a spiritually abusive relationship can exist. This relationship can occur between a spiritual leader (e.g., pastor, priest, guru, imam, rabbi) and his or her congregation, between parents/grandparents and their children, or between mentors/gurus and their disciples.

The term "guru" is worth exploring as well. Guru is the Sanskrit word meaning "teacher" or "master," literally translated as "one who casts out darkness." Although originating in Hinduism, many in the modern era use the term in reference to anyone whose teachings attract followers. For example, some consider the Dalai Lama to be a guru, and notable leaders in other disciplines not related to religion have even been referred to as gurus. Because of well-publicized scandals involving guru misconduct in the last several decades, especially in the areas of financial and sexual exploitation, many people in the United States attribute a negative connotation to the word "guru," similar to the negative, exploitative connotation associated with the term "cult."

One of the most well-known books on abusive power dynamics within Eastern and other spiritual practices that are not specifically Christian is The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power [12]. In this book, "guru" (with editorial quotation marks) refers to anyone who manipulates others under the guise of knowing what is best for them. In this broad definition, almost anyone can meet the definition, whether it is a spiritual leader, a 12-step sponsor, a parent, a friend, a teacher, or a romantic partner.

Although spiritual abuse occurs in every religious denomination and no spiritual practice is immune to its effects, the greatest body of writing on the problem, from a religious perspective, is within Christianity. This section will explore how some of these seminal works define and explain spiritual abuse. Christian pastors or those in a position of ministry are the sources of all of these works, unless otherwise noted. Despite the overt Christian focus of this section, consider how any denomination, religion, or spiritual grouping could be inserted into these definitions and notice the similarities.

In their revolutionary work The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, Jeff VanVonderen and former pastor David Johnson defined spiritual abuse as "the mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support, or greater spiritual empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining, or decreasing that person's spiritual empowerment" [13]. Many abuse survivors, with spiritual abuse being no exception, have a tendency to feel that they are somehow uniquely "crazy" for feeling a certain way. This doubt about the validity of experience can be an even greater factor with spiritual abuse because a great many people do not realize it is an actual form of abuse, as much as physical or sexual abuse.

Another leader in the pastoral community on the issue of spiritual abuse, Christian sociologist Ronald Enroth writes [14]:

Another Christian leader whose work emerged in the early 1990s was Ken Blue. He also drew comparisons between spiritual abuse and other types of abuse [15]:

Dale and Juanita Ryan, who worked closely with Ken Blue, put it in the simplest terms: "Spiritual abuse is a kind of abuse that damages the central core of who we are. It leaves us spiritually disorganized and emotionally cut off from the healing love of God" [16].

The fields of psychology and related helping professions have a variety of developmental models to describe the human experience. A specific psychologic model of faith development also exists, attributed to developmental psychologist James W. Fowler and based on the works of Piaget, Erickson, and Kohlberg (who introduced the stages of moral development in human being) [17]. Examine this Faith Development Model and consider where spiritually abusive experiences might have their greatest impact [17]:

No perfect models exist within the psychologic professions, and this model is no exception. For instance, the quality of spiritual role models and sociocultural contexts can significantly impact the way a person moves through these stages. Moreover, the ages are meant to be approximate. Some would argue that the faith crises of the individuative-reflective stage are much more likely to happen in adolescence today than when the model was initially proposed in 1981. Despite its imprecisions, Fowler's model is highly regarded within the psychologic professions because its construction was strongly influenced by luminaries in developmental psychology and because empirical research supporting the model is extensive [18]. Having an understanding of this model becomes important when assessing for spiritual abuse because having a spiritually exploitative experience at an earlier stage can have different implications than abuse at a later stage. Moreover, healthy development in earlier stages may serve as a safeguard against the ill effects of a spiritually abusive experience in later stages.

Stein points to the role of disorganized attachment as a factor in the development or perpetuation of spiritual abuse [51]. In disorganized attachment, a person does not know what to expect, leading to a tendency to withdraw and to be anxious about attachment needs being met. Disorganized attachment styles can develop in highly vulnerable people, and if a spiritual abuse victim does not already operate in this style from early childhood wounding, a cultic or spiritually abusive system will work to create it [51].

Scholarly articles on spiritual abuse, as a clinical issue, began surfacing in the 1990s. The idea of spiritual abuse as an issue of clinical attention is not unique to the 1990s, but it is apparent that people began to speak up more about being spiritually abused during this period. Helping professionals who were savvy to working with the spiritual dimension of a human being continued the conversation and inquiry. One such author, Boyd Purcell, writes from two perspectives as a minister and as a doctoral-level clinical counselor. Purcell's insights on defining spiritual abuse are multifarious, and some are highlighted here to facilitate a discussion of clinical perspectives [19].

Purcell's succinct definition of spiritual abuse is "any unhealthy, mind-altering relationship with the God of a person's conception that has life-harmful consequences" [19]. He defines spiritual abuse among people as existing on a continuum from zero to terrorism.

Most people have experienced some form of spiritual abuse in their lifetime; however, the people who tend to suffer from it to the extent that clinical attention is required fall in the moderate-to-terrorism range. Purcell explains that when he began teaching the spiritual abuse continuum in the early 1990s, most clinicians responded that they had never heard of the terms or considered them to exist. But the ideas resonated and continue to be used today.

Purcell has identified three causes of spiritually abusive dynamics. Although he writes primarily from a Christian perspective, these causes clearly apply to abuse dynamics within other belief systems as well [19]:

Considering these dynamics, it becomes clear that people are often afraid to come forward to report spiritual abuse, fearing that they are somehow breaking the rules or displeasing God if they seek help. Although fear of speaking up is a common dynamic in many forms of abuse, it can take on a more damning implication for people if they believe that their soul may be in jeopardy.

Mixed messages are a causal factor in many issues presenting for clinical attention, and many people with personality disorders grow up in environments with severe mixed messaging. Clinicians who work in the field of recovery may know the colloquial expression "mixed messages are a recipe for crazy-making."

In terms of literalism and legalism, a parallel can be made to "living within the letter of the law" versus "living within the spirit of the law." People who have grown up with literalism and legalism often suffer from rigidity or black-and-white thinking. This type of thinking is difficult to work with and should be addressed as a treatment issue. If a client struggles with black-and-white thinking, consider exploring whether or not he or she grew up with legalism or literalism in their home of origin. Even if the client long abandoned the church or spiritual beliefs, the impact of such an upbringing on his or her thought system may be present.

Another causal factor is what is referred to as clericalism [52]. By definition, clericalism is when a small group of highly regarded leaders identified as special make all of the most important decisions in the organization. Although input might be taken from member of the congregation, it is not seriously regarded. Clericalism has been identified as a major causal and exacerbating factor in the abuse scandals within the Roman Catholic Church [52].

Another newer term is child abuse linked to faith or belief, or CALFB [53]. Child protective services workers may encounter this phenomenon used to justify other forms of abuse. In one survey of 1,300 child protective service workers, a need for further training in phenomenon around spiritual abuse and religious trauma was identified. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has also worked to raise awareness about the dynamics of spiritual abuse in intimate partner or other family violence.

There are three major traits of those who spiritually abuse others:

People who are spiritually abused genuinely desire love, acceptance, intimacy, and the positive attributes of spiritual experiences. Many have been hurt in other areas of life and are seeking a spiritual connection. Abusers tend to sense this and take advantage of or exploit it. Commonly observed traits in people who are prone to being spiritually abused include:

Client J is a woman, 35 years of age. During a counseling session, J relates a key negative belief she received in childhood and internalized: "I am Satan's child." This belief was given to her by her father, a man whom she genuinely loved, in his attempt to "save her soul." Another negative message she received, one that accelerated her addictive responses, was that if she did not follow God's laws as written in her father's denomination's interpretation of the Bible, then the people who were close to her would be taken away. This message was relayed when she was 19 years of age, after her high school guidance counselor, a woman to whom she was very close, died unexpectedly of complications of pneumonia. Her death affected J very much, and her father's response to it was that her death was God's "warning sign" to Client J. Her father said that if she did not "straighten up" her ways (which meant getting back to church, an activity she abandoned when going to college), then God would begin to remove more people from her life, starting with her brother and mother. These words were very damaging, setting off a deep depression that lasted years.

Consider the case of Client E [24]. Several years ago, E presented for treatment services related to unresolved sexual trauma. She knew that she had PTSD, although the religious themes connected to her PTSD did not come to light immediately. One day, E declared, "There is something in me that is inherently spiritual. I want to be spiritual, but I resist, probably because of what happened to me growing up."

This statement may be viewed as a trigger. When a person say things like "I'm inherently spiritual, but…," or talks about wanting to do spiritual things (e.g., yoga class, church) without taking steps to do these activities, it is a sign that spiritual abuse may exist and should be explored further.

Upon questioning, E revealed she was raised in an Evangelical home with a strictly religious father and an alcoholic mother. She was sexually assaulted by another student at her father's church school as a pre-teen, and the school did not care to address it. In addition, she was sexually assaulted at one of her mother's AA meetings as a teenager, which understandably gave her a very low opinion of going to meetings in the community, even after she developed an issue with cannabis abuse in adulthood. E realized she was a lesbian during adolescence, and her father condemned her to hell when her same-sex desires came to the surface. For E, anything connected to God or religion had become equated with pain. Although she expressed interest in trying activities like yoga or meditation, Eastern practices that she knew would be more agreeable with her temperament, she resisted.

After being educated about the reality of spiritual abuse, E had no problem identifying as a spiritual abuse survivor, in addition to being an emotional abuse survivor. The next step was determining how to move forward with this knowledge.

There is a general consensus in the traumatic stress literature that addressing trauma should occur in three stages [30,31,32,33]:

These stages are referred to by many names, including the consensus model, the three-stage consensus model, and the triphasic model.

Interestingly, the literature on cult recovery offers a similar three-tiered model. Langone proposed the following three stages of recovery, with associated tasks for each stage [36]:

The level of distress of those exiting cults has been noted to be comparable to patients in inpatient psychiatric treatment, so clinicians understanding these stages and how to work within them is important [37]. Although written for cult recovery, many of these suggestions can be applied to any manifestation of spiritual abuse that occurred within an unhealthy system; modifications will need to be made depending on the systems and, of course, the person.

Singer and Ofshe assert that it is important to normalize the sense of anxiety and trepidation a survivor experiences; it is further important to allow for a period of adjustment following abuse [38]. They discourage the use of hypnosis, cautioning that it may trigger dissociative experiences. Keeping this in mind, it is important to proceed with caution, even with guided meditations or relaxation techniques that may trigger a dissociative flashback. Trauma expert Judy Herman, who coined the term complex PTSD, states that clinicians should empower clients so they feel in control of their own recovery [39]. She also stresses the importance of screening for depression, anxiety, suicidality, and possible returns to the cult, especially in early treatment. Clinicians should refrain from making assumptions about those who enter a cult; for example, not all members have highly dependent personalities [40]. It is important to help victims recognize that they were ethically and morally wronged as a first step toward recovering their mental and emotional dignity [40].

Therapists who are accustomed to treating the whole person will be in a good position when it comes to treating spiritual abuse. Because spiritual abuse can affect multiple dimensions of a person's life, including physical, psychologic, emotional, relational, educational, vocational, sexual, financial, and spiritual realms, it is critical to assess which areas have been affected and address them accordingly within the three-stage consensus model [11,41]. First, clinicians should practice within a spiritually sensitive, reflective framework and not dismiss spiritual issues in the counseling process [42]. Second, especially in working with women, clinicians should help survivors connect with the full range of their emotional experience, which may be difficult because many traditional, orthodox religious groups promote emotional repression [43]. In the cases of spiritual abuse that happened as a result of oppression (e.g., in indigenous cultures), it can be critically important to bring in the respective culture's healing rituals, if the client is willing [2]. Narrative counseling, or affording oppressed survivors the chance to share their stories, is also a helpful tool [44].

One qualitative study specifically addressed the question of effective treatment for spiritual abuse recovery [20]. In this study, 100 spiritual abuse survivors in the Christian tradition from English-speaking countries throughout the world participated. The researcher concluded that four main steps were necessary in order for these survivors to heal from spiritual abuse:

Obviously, these steps can be modified to remove the Christian language if applied to other situations, and additional research investigating if similar dynamics are found in other denominations or faiths is necessary.

The definition of recovery may vary from survivor to survivor [20]. Regardless of how survivors choose to define their recovery, it becomes imperative that clinicians help them to define and work toward healthy spirituality as part of the treatment process.

The definition of spiritual abuse recovery can vary depending on the goals of each client and his or her situational factors, and the goals of recovery should be clearly delineated. Simply offering a client this choice of defining recovery can be a liberating gesture that enhances the therapeutic alliance; any chance to offer choice to a client is an opportunity for empowerment. There are various definitions of healthy spirituality and spiritual recovery available, but their often overtly Christian focus can be limiting for broader recovery. Much of the Christian pastoral literature on spiritual abuse, although revolutionary to jumpstarting the discussion on spiritual abuse, defines recovery in Christian-only terms. In a more liberal clinical view, attraction to other spiritual practices (e.g., Eastern, New Age) may be a manifestation of recovery; all practices that offer authentic expressions of religiosity/spirituality and yield healthy fruits for their followers are valid choices [45].

Spiritually and culturally inclusive counselors may appreciate the following list of traits of healthy spirituality and/or religion:

If it is helpful, this list may be shared with clients.

Another way to conceptualize healthy spirituality is to look at the natural opposites of the negative beliefs covered in the previous section. These beliefs of healthy spirituality would read as such:

In working with clients, it is a solid first step, as part of stabilization, to determine if they have any of these positive beliefs, even if negative beliefs are also present. Time may then be spent working with that positive cognition.

If a client struggles with believing that he or she is shameful or undeserving, yet is somehow able to accept the belief that she is blessed, this positive cognition can be built on as a stabilization technique. Many clients with shame-based spiritual ideology are at least able to accept the "I am blessed" belief on some level, especially if they have worked steps two and three of a 12-step program (i.e., believing that Higher Power can restore to sanity and turning one's will and life over to the care of the Higher Power). Even if these steps have not been worked, "I am blessed" may be able to be accepted on gratitude alone. If this is the case, consider stating the following:

Right now, I would like you to just focus in on the statement "I am blessed." Stay with your breath, notice your body, and just say "I am blessed" either to yourself or aloud. Notice what that feels like in your body, to be blessed. If you can, bring up something in your mind that makes you connect with the statement "I am blessed." Maybe it is a song, or perhaps it is a memory, either in the distant past or recently, that really helped you to believe the truth that you are blessed.

At this point, the memory, the song, or any other information that comes up can be used to complete a spiritual guided imagery or guided meditation, inviting the client to stay focused on the positive elements of what is emerging, especially if he or she starts to entertain any negative spiritual cognitions.

Working with music, be it spiritual music or secular music with a spiritual theme, can be a powerful technique. If a client is clearly able to identify a special song that helps him or her to feel connected with a Higher Power, sense of spirit, or the universe, it can be incorporated into spiritual guided imagery or used as a focusing meditation technique. Encourage the client to stay attuned to any body sensations that may emerge as the song plays. Tuning in to these positive visceral sensations and inviting the client to really be with and notice them can be useful in the healing process. The client can then be encouraged to use this song (e.g., listening to it, singing it) as a coping skill to access when needed. Guided imagery and its multiple variations incorporating other sensory material can also help to build healthy spirituality. These techniques allow clients to begin experimenting with and rebuilding their own sense of spirituality.

Clinicians who are devout in the beliefs of one specific faith should feel free to tailor or modify the approaches discussed in this section, as long as it is clear that they are healthy for the client. It is only healthy for a clinician to be specific with her or his religion or faith if the client is seeking that specific care (e.g., Christian counseling). If a client is seeking a counselor of a specific faith, this is a way of indicating a desire to continue in that faith, so counselors should incorporate the healthiest elements of that faith. However, if a practitioner is working in a secular setting, it is her or his responsibility to refrain from pushing a specific faith and keep an open mind to the client's spiritual needs.

Some clients may be so scarred by spiritually abusive experiences that they want nothing to do with reconnection to a spiritual source. If this viewpoint is voiced, it should be respected. However, many who are spiritually abused have an innate drive to be spiritual. Thus, avoiding that part of the person is usually not optimal, and inquiry, curiosity, and experimentation should be encouraged, as appropriate. It can be healing for the client to find what works and is healthy and to make a connection that only spirituality will likely fulfill. A major part of recovery for any kind of abuse, but especially spiritual abuse, is negotiating what is healthy and authentic.

For some survivors of spiritual abuse, the process of recovery through discovery happens over a period of years and seasons of life. Even when survivors begin to find a path that feels genuine and healing for them, old messages, either directly or subtly delivered, must be confronted.

Because spiritual abuse is a form of trauma, it is clear that treatment will need to include reprocessing and reintegration components. As discussed, there is no gold-standard approach for reprocessing trauma. The keys are to make sure that proper stabilization is in place before proceeding with reprocessing activities and to discover with the client which methods or approaches will work best. For certain cases, EMDR can be a good fit [46]. Some specific pastoral techniques (e.g., transformational prayer) may also be used to treat spiritual abuse.

There are several techniques from the Gestalt approach that are useful for addressing spiritual abuse and its manifestations [47]. As long as a qualified professional who is comfortable dealing with trauma and intense affect uses these techniques with clients who are properly stabilized, they are generally safe. It is rarely productive for a survivor of abuse to confront the abuser (the only exceptions being when the abuser is in some form of active recovery and has an awareness of how they victimized others, or if the survivor is well-prepared to simply say what he/she has to say without engaging in extended attempts at reasoning). However, the empty chair technique can help survivors to release the feelings they have been holding in a dynamic, experiential way by imagining the abuser in an empty chair across from them.

Another similar technique is that of the unsent letter. In this approach, the client writes a letter to the person who abused him or her, or even to a Higher Power. The intention is not to send the letter to the abuser, but rather for the client to release his or her pain in a dynamic way, without censor. The client then decides how he or she is going to release the letter. Some will want to share the letter with their counselors so someone can witness their pain. Other clients may find it too dangerous to keep such a letter, so they destroy it after it is written, an act that can be very healing. Some may want to burn the letter, perhaps while saying some type of prayer or intention for release. Just as symbol and ritual can be used to hurt, it can also be used to heal.

Giving clients permission to vent their anger at the churches, groups, or entities that abused them is an important part of reprocessing the trauma of spiritual abuse. Anger toward God or the divine is an issue in treating all types of trauma (e.g., "How could God let this happen?"). Clearly, that anger can have an even more pervasive impact for survivors of spiritual abuse, as their trauma was perpetrated "in the name of God." Allowing clients to work through their anger with the abuser, Higher Power, or spiritual organization in a supportive manner is an effective component of stage two reprocessing. This spirit of non-judgment, even if the client seems stuck in her or his anger and resentment for quite a while, is critical when working with survivors of spiritual abuse.

Not all helping professionals can work with stage two reprocessing. Many clinicians are well-suited to deal with stage one and stage three work, but recognize that they cannot handle stage two. Comfort with trauma and intense affect is perhaps the most important quality of an effective trauma therapist [48,49]. The missing piece for many helping professionals is not lack of specific, technical training, but a general uneasiness with trauma in general. Often, this uneasiness results from unresolved countertransference issues or an unwillingness to address one's own traumatic wounds as a helping professional. The proverb "Healer, heal thyself" should be embraced in order for a clinician to work with trauma in an optimally effective manner.

Recovery from spiritual abuse can be a long-term process that continues to take place after formal counseling terminates, which is why the reintegration process is a necessary part of the healing process. Clinicians should work with clients on using the skills they developed in therapy to continue addressing pain as it arises in life, especially pain connected to spirituality. Clients who are able to foster connection with a healthier spiritual system, be that in the form of a new church group, a meditation group, yoga studio, Bible study, faith-sharing group, or simply a solid group of friends that honors tolerant, integrated approaches to spirituality, are at an advantage when it comes to reintegration. If contextually appropriate (based on clinical discretion), clinicians may work with the new spiritual group or that group's leader (with appropriate consent from the client) for enhanced, collaborative care.

Let's return to Client E, the young woman discussed in a previous section. E knew immediately that she desired to be spiritual, but any time she tried, the images and early memories from her negative experiences at home and in the church blocked her. Although it became clear that reprocessing some of these memories would be an important part of her treatment, it was also critical to first build on the positive cognition, "There is something in me that wants to be spiritual."

Her counselor begins working with E on using some standard breathing, lightstream visualization, and muscle relaxation techniques. These helped her to achieve a sense of visceral calm and ease sitting in the office. Upon relaxing, the counselor asks E to keep an open mind to the spiritual realm and invites her to notice what emerges in terms of a spiritual figure or a spiritual source. Almost instantaneously, E smiles. She reports that she began to see a little creature that looked half like the character Yoda from the Star Wars movies and half like Mr. Miagi from The Karate Kid movies. The counselor prompts E to stay with that image and notice what happens. With a continued smile, she explains that he was playing a drum, and when he stopped, he invited her to come and sit with him and the two of them talked about all things related to life. As she stays with this experience, she reports feeling a sense of total love and acceptance. Clearly, this figure is a Higher Power that worked for her. As a take away, her counselor encourages E to continue working with this image on a daily basis. He also suggests that she begin by working with her breath, as she had in the office, and then allow the image to come up and notice what happens the longer she stays with the image. This technique is one that allows her to keep building her relationship with her Higher Power and her newfound spirituality.